Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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