this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
