I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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