fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
