You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Randomize
