Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
