Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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