You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
