dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
