He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
