Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
