Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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