Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
