i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
