Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
