I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
