11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
