Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
