i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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