Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
