You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize