Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
