i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize