i need an iv and a liver transplant
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
