ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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