My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
