Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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