that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
