its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
