i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
