he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
