She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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