um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
