searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
