you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
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