I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
