You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
