do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
