I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am mentally ready for anal.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
