It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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