i wish starbucks made bloody marys
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
