im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
