I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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