I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
