i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
