Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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