you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
