GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was confusing and full of hummus
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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