I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
