gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
