I need help removing her.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
