you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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