burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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