Sober January is a disaster.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize