Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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