Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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