Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
if only i could text you this smell
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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