If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
