before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
