they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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