Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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