can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My breasts were aching with rage.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
