dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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