i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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