He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
