I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
