Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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