she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
